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Operation: Prepare for Better Homes and Gardens

T minus six days to magazine photo shoot.

The nearness of the impending photo shoot weighs heavy on my mind. I know I won’t find rest until I’ve clothed myself, so I venture out into the cold darkness one evening, my goal clear and my focus sharp. I make my way to the nearest hunting grounds and scope out my prey: textured tops, soft blazers and skinny jeans. I pounce on several options, knowing I can return whatever isn’t used.

I drag my spoils back to my hut and evaluate.

rack of clothes
Gasp! You’re thinking that’s not enough, aren’t you? You’re thinking I need more options! Ohmigosh. You’re right! I need more options!

Sidenote: I pretty much opted out of fashion for my pregnancy and the 10 months since while I waited to lose the last bit of baby weight. What has happened to fashion in that time, you guys? I realize this is making me sound like an old, old lady, but I don’t “get” what’s in style right now. This mannequin? Really?!
IMG_20130304_130507
#I’llJustWaitForTheNextTrend

T minus five days to magazine photo shoot.

My thoughts turn temporarily to my habitat. I realize cleaning is in order. The idea of transforming my currently very-messy, toy-strewn house into one of order and cleanliness exhausts me. I run one load of laundry and fall victim to procrastination.

T minus four days to magazine photo shoot.

The task of grooming begins. I carve out a small portion of daylight for a proper haircut and eyebrow wax. Beauty is pain. Beauty. is. pain.

Before and after haircut/brow wax:
beforeafter
HUGE difference right? Nope. It’s invisible to anyone but me. But I’ll not risk having wild eyebrows exploding off the page of Better Homes and Gardens.

T minus three days to magazine photo shoot.

I have cleaned two rooms. These are the two rooms which were most easy to clean, and which will probably stay closed during the photo shoot. Still, I applaud myself.

I step over piles of toys strewn around the downstairs and sigh a lot. I long for a pregnant woman’s nesting instincts. I do not long for heartburn. I do wish I had pretty pregnant-woman nails and hair, but not achy joints. I successfully spend 20 unproductive minutes distracting myself with thoughts of pregnancy and wonder how I got on this topic to begin with. Nothing gets cleaned.

T minus two days to magazine photo shoot.

Survival seems hopeless. There is too much to do. I despise my procrastinating tendencies. We move our attention to the laundry room, where my halfway efforts have come back to bite me. I only stenciled part of the wall and need to go finish it.

stencil
I’ll proudly have you know that “after” photo has been nominated for my prestigious Worst “After” Photo in the History of Blogging Award.
IMG_04051
We repair a small broken portion of our drying rack. It’s probably impossible to see to the naked eye, but when Better Homes & Gardens comes a knockin’, we get to caulkin’. (Or something.)

T minus one day to magazine photo shoot

PANIC SETS IN! MUST CLEAN WHOLE HOUSE IN FIVE HOURS! There’s no time for food or sleep! I still need more clothing options! I have errands to run! WHY DO I PROCRASTINATE?!

IMG_0407 (Custom)
THAT is the photo of the floor underneath our sofa (and a rare Superman sighting). The floor is SPOTLESS. You know, in case BH&G does a white-glove test before they let you be in their magazine. It’s a possibility and I don’t want to risk it. Do you guys need me to add a pin it button for that photo? Here you go: That’s going viral, I just know it.

T minus 12 hours and counting.

You talked me into it – I run out one more time for more clothes options:
IMG_0410 (Custom)
The cleaning nears completion. For one HOT second, my house actually looks like my house tour page. Blink and you’ll miss it!

The shoot is TODAY!

I’ll be taking photos and will relay the full scoop later, but you can follow me on facebook and twitter today and I’ll try to share out progress throughout the day. Hope you guys have a fabulous Wednesday!


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Comments

  1. Lisa says:

    Aghhhh so exciting Kelly!!! It will be great I’m sure, enjoy the experience!!

  2. Hope you have SO much fun!!!

  3. This might have been my favorite narrative post of all time. I’m so excited for you! Good luck!!

  4. You are too funny! I know you will do fabulous and look gorgeous.
    This is so exciting! Good luck from me too!

  5. ahhhh!!! Good luck today!!
    Also, I totally agree with today’s fashion. I went to TJ Maxx and Marshall’s last weekend… with a gift certificate… and left with nothing. That’s how bad it was. If I wanted to look like I got my clothes at a an elderly woman’s thrift shop, then I’d go to an elderly woman’s thrift shop.

  6. cassie says:

    YAY! it’s going to be awesome! and i am with you on the whole fashion thing… i am happy having my own lil style…. no floral denim included in that.

  7. Erin says:

    OMG, I’m cry laughing. So funny – can’t wait to hear how it goes. Enjoy! Btw, if they don’t look, you should free to casually scoot your couch over so they can happen to notice the gleaming floor. They’ll ooo and ahhh for sure. :)

  8. Kelly says:

    “Better Homes & Gardens comes a knockin’, we get to caulkin’” – I seriously just about launched my coffee onto my keyboard at this line….I love how your brain works (how’s that for a creepy compliment!?).
    We’ve been filling baseboards in our basement for what feels like FOR-FREAKING-EVER, and I am starting to absolutely loathe the sight of a caulking gun. Maybe if BH&G was coming to my house I would have some drive to get it all done.
    I hope it goes great for you today! Can’t wait to hear all the nitty gritty.

  9. EEEEEKKKKKK!!!! I am SO excited for you and can’t wait to hear all about it!!!

  10. Oh man, I am right there with you as a chronic procrastinator. I can’t wait to see photos and hear about the photo shoot! How exciting!

  11. This is super exciting! You’ll let us know when to buy the mag, correct?

  12. JD says:

    Oh the pressure of it all! I am exhausted just thinking about it but beyond happy for you. As for clothing….try being old and finding age appropriate items. AAArgh. Not an easy task…Mission Impossible. Be sure and share all the details. Meanwhile I am in a house of confusion with all our bedroom furniture piled in our living room in waiting for new flooring. Sigh.

  13. I’m so super excited for you and cannot wait to hear every detail! You are going to rock it!!!

  14. Bree says:

    So excited for you!!!!!!

  15. Oh my gosh…I would be such a ball of nerves, but so exited at the same time..emotion overload for sure! I’m sure things will go fantastically! Cant wait to hear the details!!

  16. LOL! I felt like I was there with you reading this! I can only imagine the chaos in your head as the big day was creeping up on you! I’m so excited for you though! What an AMAZING experience!!!! XO

  17. Kelli says:

    That has to feel like a dream! I’m just so crazy excited to hear all about it and see the magazine! :) Then I will be like…”I know her.” Well kinda. lol! Congrats…congrats…congrats to the highest power! ;) k.

  18. Oh, COME ON!!! So we don’t get to see what you’re wearing? I’m sure you look beautiful and maybe all those clothes will end up back in your closet:) Good luck today and have a blast!

  19. Monica says:

    I can SO relate to your procrasticleaning. That’s how I roll. You’ll have such a fun day you’ll forget about the stress you had beforehand. Congrats! xo

  20. Haha! Love this. Can’t wait to see you in the magazine! I know it’ll turn out great.

  21. Angela says:

    Such an exciting day for you!!!! Enjoy!!

  22. Have a blast! I’m so excited for you!!!

  23. Ahhhh!! So exciting, can’t wait to hear the whole scoop!

  24. You have me laughing and almost crying from laughing! I can totally identify with your preparation…or sort of lack thereof…until crunch time sets in! Can’t wait to see your home in BH&G. They should have this blog post accompany the article, it is just too funny…and very real!

  25. Bliss says:

    You crack me up. I read this post twice and am now toying with pinning that floor picture just so other people will come read this post. And I laughed out loud when BHG comes a knocking we get ‘ta calking. Ah ha ha ha ha. Rare Superman sighting. Ah ha ha ha ha……

    Bliss

  26. SO very exciting! Congrats again…you guys deserve it! :)

  27. Oh, that’s so exciting! Can’t wait!!!! xo Kristin

  28. Oh happy day!! Can’t wait for the full low-down!
    xo Heidi

  29. Loved this recap! I don’t know if you’ll be able to find something to wear in that rack of clothing…. haha.

    Hope it goes wonderfully- can’t wait to hear all about it!

  30. Katie @ pps says:

    I seriously love this post. So much. So I wonder….do the people from Better Homes and Gardens EVER see a messy house? I bet not. I bet they laugh every time they go somewhere…”she only had to clean the laundry room…” Hee hee!!!

  31. Maureen says:

    I’m here from Life As A Thrifter and you got me with your photo gallery. I’m following you now. It’s going to be fun to tag along on all your projects!

  32. I would totally be a stress-ball if I were in your shoes (by the by, I love all of the ballet flats you bought…especially the red ones).

    And I chuckled at that mannequin shot. I know, denim and floral print pants are back! Bah ha ha ha ha! (I’ll probably be rockin’ it in 7 months, after the trend is on the way out. That’s how I roll.)

    And I totally want to pin that picture of your floor beneath the couch. I mean, it’s not everyday that Superman ends up in the background of a photo.

    I know the shoot is going to go fabulously. And even if it doesn’t, it’ll fodder for your next hilarious post, right? Right.

    Break a leg!

  33. Ahhhhh, can’t wait to hear more about it. Pretty eyebrows. I could totally tell the difference.

  34. Ha! I’m sure it went great. Can’t wait to hear the deets.

  35. FIRST: I pinned the photo of the rare superman sighting…i had to (jkjk)

    and SECOND: SO SO SO excited for you. When my BH&G magazine came in the mail this week I thought of you!!!

  36. HollyB says:

    Ooooo, ahhhh, pinned the rare superman sighting! Thank you for the update and d-day countdown, love the recaps! Can’t wait to see the photoshoot details!

  37. Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t wait to hear all about it…..seriously amazing!!!

  38. Aaaaahhhhhh! How exciting! I hope everything went smashingly today! :D

  39. So exciting – and I can’t believe I spotted that rare shot of Superman!
    Kelly

  40. So exciting! I can’t wait to read the full report. I hope you’re working on that right now so I don’t have to wait long ;)

  41. Kelly says:

    I totally pinned your floor :) I LOL (which means Laughed out Loud for those who live in space) at the fashion mannequin outfit. What in the world is up with that?! I think my 6 year old has better fashion designs! Super fun post today – loved reading about your issues :)

  42. You and I must be twins separated at birth. I didn’t decide on and begin to make my wedding reception centerpieces until a few days before our wedding. Procrastinators unite! SOOO excited to hear the details about the shoot! Loved all your updates on FB today!

  43. What a great opportunity! (I’m so excited for you!) Looking forward to reading all the “behind the scenes” secrets. I had to chuckle when I saw that you had pulled your washer and dryer away from the wall to stencil behind them. (I guess you never know where BHG will want to photograph that beauty shot.)

  44. Haha! You are so funny. I love the stenciled wall. It looks awesome.

  45. QwkDrw says:

    One probably can not be over prepared for an event like a BH&G photo shoot. But you all just might have been close … a spotless floor UNDERNEATH the sofa

    !!

  46. Um, I wore that mannequin’s outfit to work today.

    Not really.

    Hope everything went SO well! :)

  47. Julie S says:

    You can do it, Kelly!! I bet it will be awesome and I can’t wait to see the sum-up on your blog. Love the rundown of the week before. I’m feeling a bit of that now… last night my husband sat on our seatless, unfinished dining room chairs playing Angry Birds and I ate some dinner and went to lie down on our bed at 8. Turns out we were both feeling so overwhelmed by all the stuff to do around the house and the piles everywhere, we just did nothing instead. Then he read to me from The Last Battle, then we turned out the lights. I think for once it was OK that we didn’t Get Stuff Done.

  48. I hope that by now all of it is a wonderful memory and your house is still clean…for the record, that never happens at my house but I always hope that it goes on “in the outside world”.

    I can’t wait to see you “in print”! Congrats, girl! xo

  49. amy says:

    The 80s outfit on the mannequin? Yup! It’s baa-aaack! Please don’t wear blue mascara. Avoid faux paint-splashed jeans. Do those things, and you’re golden.

    Probably BH&g will just reclean and restyle your house and ban Superman anyhow. After they take a staged picture of him eating a chocolate cookie on the white divan.

  50. This is awesome Kelly! And this post is so YOU! Love it and I’m sure it was a fun!!!

  51. I’m crazy-pants excited for you! Where is the wrap up? I can’t wait to hear/read how it all goes!!!!!!!

    btw- I am currently reading blogs while I procrastinate and avoid hate fact that I am having people for dinner tonight, lunch saturday and sunday, and a massive party/event wednesday followed by another party next sunday. I think I am slightly insane, but reading your blog makes me forget about all the cleaning/shopping/cooking I’ve yet to do:)

    Jessica

  52. Jenn says:

    I hope the shoot went well – I can imagine it was so much fun :). I’m excited to see your home in the magazine! !

  53. Soooo exciting and you are too funny! Can’t wait to see the article, congratulations Kelly!

  54. Fun, exciting and maybe exhausting! Can’t wait to see you in print!
    Congratulations!
    Debbie

  55. Carrie says:

    I love those polka dot pants. Please keep those. And then let me borrow them. :-)

  56. cute post! I can’t wait to see the magazine!! I hope it all went well =)

  57. Carol Fotlz says:

    I can’t imagine having a magazine come to my home to do a photo shoot (well, actually I can, but it’s not a pretty sight). But I can totally relate to the procrastination.

  58. I am so glad I waited for a nice, quiet relaxing time to read this post … with a cup of tea and Weight Watchers egg white muffin sandwich in hand … could be my all-time favorite post of yours!

    :) Linda

  59. Your thought process sounds just like mine! Clean everywhere they won’t be FIRST, then move on to th main areas of the house next! What?? How does this make sense? Silly minds… I’m sure your shoot will be fantastic! Your house is beautiful!

  60. It’s going to be eend of mine day, except before ending I am reading this
    great article to improve mmy know-how.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] So if you tuned in last week, I wrote a post which will be a perfect piece of evidence should I ever be on trial for being neurotic and weird: how I prepared for the BH&G photo shoot. [...]

  2. [...] can read about how I prepped for this shoot here, and all the behind-the-scenes moments right here, including the moment the entire planet stopped [...]

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