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Watercolor Heinies: Art. Tragedy. Life.

Oh, friends. Do I have a story to tell you. A story of hope, of tragedy, of aspirations for greatness and the pain of loss. Of epic, epic failure. A story to bind all of humanity.

It starts, as all good stories do, with the glorious draw of tiny, deliciously dimpled baby butt cheeks. Specifically, those of my baby girl.
mila
Out of respect for her, I’m not posting an actual photo of her bum, but take my unbiased word for it: it is of the highest caliber, mouthwatering baby butt meat and few delights on this earth can match it.

It needed to be preserved. It needed to become art.

So when I saw this little piece of art my sister-in-law’s daycare had made with her little man, I knew that it was the start of something amazing. See the clouds? Those are a butt-stamp of my nephew’s own derriere.
butt stamp art
A BUTT STAMP! Have you ever heard of something so simultaneously hilarious, cute and ridiculous?!

I didn’t even ponder the logistics of creating such a thing: I just knew that I had to have it. It would be grand! And no sweet meadow scene for me: it would be abstract in the most snooty, art-snob way. It would be perfect ombre circles of infant buttock glory. Kind of like this:
abstract circles
It would take pinterest by storm! I even searched pinterest to see how other people had done prints of their baby’s rear-ends, and do you know what? In all the land of pinterest, no one had completed such a thing! This would be a first, a revolutionary masterpiece that would herald the beginning of a new ERA in the art world.

Andy and I took the baby to our bathroom to prepare to make history. I poured some finger paints onto a plate and, with a foam brush, carefully brushed the paint onto her soft, savory tush. With one of us holding her body and the other holding her feet, we carefully stamped a piece of paper with her twin cheeks. (Logistically, photos of this process were an impossibility.)

It did not look as I had imagined.

Quickly, we painted it again and stamped again. I could feel the hope slipping from my fingers. Frantic, we tried a couple more times, until it was clear to all involved that the beauteous bum did not translate like I’d hoped.
Baby butt stamp art
Perhaps her sweet fanny is made for something greater. But in all likelihood, it was probably our failure to properly squish the cheeks that led to this disaster.

Out of pure stubborn refusal to quit, I cropped the piece and stuck it in my change of art frame to pretend like it could be salvaged.
Baby butt stamp art
I posted this photo on my facebook page and instagram to see if anyone could guess what it was.
Baby butt stamp art
…which turned out to be one of the highlights of my day. Mila’s sweet bum served as an interesting Rorschach (inkblot) test. Some people saw a steamy make-out scene; others saw innocent angel wings. Some saw birds; others saw breakdancing dragons. Some even guessed correctly that it was a baby butt print, but one thing was clear: you guys are just as crazy as I am. Don’t even deny it.

What do you see when you look into the baby-butt-rorshach test? Do you think we can still take the art world by storm? Are you dying to go find a baby bum and squish it?



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Comments

  1. Julia @Cuckoo4Design says:

    So here’s the thing…me being someone who has actually photocopied her (clothed) behind out of boredom, this sounds perfectly normal and awesome. So cute!
    And in the change of art frame it looks very artistic.

  2. Bahahaha! At least you managed to salvage it, kinda.

  3. Ha!! I am equally delighted and ashamed to have guessed it correctly. Like, in a weird way, I feel a sense of accomplishment.

  4. I am laughing my head off reading this!! I don’t know if you meant it as a funny story, but it truly is!! I am definitely using this as an icebreaker somewhere!!!

  5. You kill me. Baby butt art prints… suddenly it doesn’t seem so psychotic that 2/3rds of all my framed photos are of my cats being adorable.

  6. None of the above.

  7. That has to be one of the funniest posts I’ve ever read! Thank you!

  8. I think your blog post may be the best one I’ve seen anywhere in a long time. Absolutely. Hysterical. Please interpret my upcoming question to be completely inappropriate and juvenile… When you saw the daycare art and learned about the clouds, did anyone ask how the frogs were made? 😉

    • OMG! I. die.

    • I had to scroll back up and look at the frogs, and now I’m giggling in that junior high way. Heeheehee

    • I totally saw the same thing and LOL’d. Now I’m a little concerned about the daycare. I would have done the butt cheek art too if I had thought about it for my littles. Don’t think they would be into it now. 18 & 17 year olds.

  9. I actually love the framed version. It looks like a funky, colorful painting, but you will always know it’s her butt and smile when you see it.

  10. HAHAHA!!! Even if it didn’t turn out exactly as planned – too adorable for words!!!

  11. actually laughing out loud..so funny. I needed that laugh, so thank you.

  12. i still see a praying mantis.

    • So now you tell me I should have made art out of my girls baby butt cheeks? Clearly I missed out big time. Your art does look good framed though. I wonder what your babies reaction was to this art activity.

  13. I can’t stop laughing. This is hilarious!!!

  14. What would you be if you didn’t try, right? I appreciate your efforts to move beyond the SO OVERDONE baby hand/footprints 🙂

  15. Oh my goodness – you are hilarious! My best laugh of the day!

  16. Funny! I totally want to make that scene. The frogs, the caterpillars, the clouds…I can see why it was so enticing. It’s one for the baby book. I can see this coming out at important moments.

  17. Oh my gosh Nick actually guessed right! It’s even more hilarious that I was slightly annoyed at him for even saying butt! Jokes on me!!

  18. OMG, this had me Laughing Out Loud, not just the LOL’ing thing people write when they’re just smiling or something! Funniest thing I’ve read on the web this week! I see a naked man doing one armed push ups. 🙂

  19. 😀 Hahahaha

  20. I can say that I have done group setting childcare for 10 years and family setting childcare for another couple and I have never heard of capturing this particular part of the anatomy in finger paint print… I could give some pointers on capturing hands, fingers, and even feet but I have no tips to help with the baby butt print. So sorry. : )

  21. KELLY! I am guffawing ridiculously over here! Just tried to explain to my four year why I’m I’m laughing and she just kind of looked at me like, “huh???” I can’t believe you tried to make Mila’s bum into a stamp. I wish there were a VIDEO of you and Andy doing this to your daughter. So FREAKING hilarious!

  22. LOL! This is cute, gross, and funny at the same time. And for the nth time you are one of the best writers out there in the DIY/ home decor blogger world. On second thoughts are they even allowed to do that kind of art in day care? Parents trying to do butt art is different from when they try to do it in school. Not sure if I would be comfortable with that idea.

  23. hahaha, you are so funny! Your posts always make me smile 🙂

  24. Just saw your headboard to bench project on design sponge! Congrats lady!

  25. Bahahaha…NO JOKE, I was going to ask if it was a butt print, but I thought you might think I was SO inappropriate and then you’d no longer want to be blog friends with me. :-/

  26. Hahaha that is awesome. Love a good butt stamp like I love a polar bear butt 🙂 So awesome!!!

  27. weird and funny and totally something I’m expecting to do once this kid decides to make his appearance. motherhood is gonna be awesome. 😉

  28. There are no words. I’ve heard of kids finger painting with their poo but this is a first. Someday Mila will find that butt art and be so proud of her artistic ability. 😉

  29. Bwahaha. I just saw a pin for baby butt painting like two days ago. And then I pinned it to my board of things not to do.

  30. I was grinning along to your post thinking…why again is this going to be cute? lol …THEN I pictured you and Andy in the bathroom slopping paint onto your confused baby girl and lost it. I mean, I know what that scene looked like. The patient, play-along chuckle from Andy, the what-was-I-thinking but still kinda hopeful for greatness, snicker from you. Please tell me some of that is close b/c it brought me so much joy/laughter.

  31. i am just happy to finally know the correct spelling of Heinies.

  32. BAHAHAHA!!!! That is hilarious. Immortalizing your baby’s tush-definitlely one for the books!

  33. OMgosh this is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time!! I wonder if it would work better if one if you held her upright and then just press the paper to her tush? I’d love to try this…not sure my three year old would go for it though ha ha! Such a fun share 🙂

    • OH! I bet that would’ve helped with the roundness issue. 🙂 My three-year-old was watching the whole process and he totally would’ve gone for it if we’d asked. Poor kid.

  34. OMG so stinkin cute!! So so much better than a boring hand print! LOL

    Laura

  35. Bwahahaha! That’s awesome, weird, cool, messy, and HILARIOUS! I totally dig it! No one would ever know unless you told them. xo Kristin

  36. Next time (if there is) press the paper to her bum and not the other way around.
    Chris =]

  37. I swear somewhere out there I saw butt prints made into a pumpkin for halloween.. or at least the baby had a ORANGE BUTT?! Have you not seen it?

    Makes me totally think of you.. http://www.pinterest.com/pin/45106433737781176/

  38. I was dying to know what that was! 🙂 I have seen the butt-stamped pumpkins for Halloween. I think The Farmer’s Nest did them a couple years back. And the said, for her little boy, there was no need to her to draw the stem … hahahaha

  39. I *think* if you had watered down the paint, you totally would have achieved the look you were going for…the paint in the inspiration picture looks like it’s thin and kind of watercolor-like…I think that’s your key. That’s what you wanted, right? To try it again? XD Sorry, I’ve been dissecting this in mah brains for a whole day!

    • I think there was too much paint AND we should’ve pressed the paper to her butt instead of the other way around. Good life lessons. 🙂

  40. bwahahhahahhaha! Ok…I seriously would have never ever ever guessed that from your IG pic. This.is.hilarious.

  41. Taking Pinterest by storm. This is just too funny, Kelly. I’m cracking up over here.

    I can’t even get a good hand print. I know a butt print would not end well with Henry.

  42. Hahahaha! This is hysterical! Your guests are going to be so surprised to learn that the beautiful art in your foyer is your baby’s butt haha

  43. Adorable! Love this idea. Wish my guys were toddlers again and we could create some masterpieces to immortalize their tushies 🙂

  44. Too stinkin’ (no pun intended) funny. I see the steamy make out scene in the baby butt print too!!

  45. Oh, my gosh – this is pure delight!
    I can’t tell you how happy this made me. And, double the fun that one of my frames got to be a part of it! Pure wonderfulness.

  46. P.S. She’s a doll!

  47. At the end of this post, was an ad for a Brazilian butt-lift. Please tell me you did that on purpose.

  48. HA!! This is fantastic. I am impressed you decided to tackle this project- and I am equally impressed that your nephew’s daycare was successful in producing an art project out of baby hineys (that also includes feet in it too- they must have just rolled the kids in paint and then hosed them off right??)

  49. Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

  50. OK girl – I must tell you I love everything on your site. Thank you so much for sharing everything – even the “unfinished” bonus room. You are keeping it real!

  51. Hysterically funny!!!!!!

  52. I guess it would be kinda creepy to get my 14 and 9 year old to do this…

    Well, not kinda.

    Perhaps grandbabes…. oh, those poor little future chillens.

  53. Julia Gulia says:

    I think you should try it again.
    I would use a sheet of clear plastic and glossier, more translucent paint. When you’re done put a white sheet of paper behind the clear. Fingers crossed.

Trackbacks

  1. […] View Along the Way turned her daughter’s butt into art. Can’t wait til she has her first boyfriend come […]

  2. […] Look: don’t bring up home decorating with me if you don’t want me to get over-eager and hyped-up. I’ve never mastered the art of being cool and chill. (And maybe there’s a tiny part of me that’s still trying to recover from the butt-print disaster?) […]

  3. […] one project at a time. It’s fun and crazy: sometimes things turn out just right… and sometimes we try to make art with our kids’ butts. True […]

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