Sometimes I catch my dog Marley staring off into the distance, pensive. Deep thoughts weighing heavily on her mind.

She’s so wise.

I think she ponders her future, and future of all mankind. If she could talk, she would have much to say about the state of the global economy, original sin, the environment and the falling value of the dollar.

Her outside perspective on the human condition, I expect, would be so enlightening as to erase nearly all controversy from even the most controversial of subjects.

“Wow,” we would all think, astonished. “Why has no one yet framed these issues in such a modern, intellectual way? Surely there is no longer a need for war.”

But alas: simple biology prevents her from being able to broadcast her observations.

Sometimes she sighs heavily and collapses, distressed, into a heap on the floor.

That’s the weight of her convictions.
It’s a heavy burden, you must realize, to know that you carry the solution for man’s greatest difficulties, but cannot share them.

Just look at her:

The wheels are turning, can’t you see? Look how she philosophizes. She understands The Trinity.

She is so deep, that dog.

Such a tragedy that though she wishes she could communicate to us the keys to world peace and the end of world hunger, her life is spent napping, pooping and fetching.

A grievous squandering of rare brilliance.