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One Giant Pyramid Scheme

Before I got pregnant, I had what I thought was a pretty solid grasp of what parenting is all about: it is one giant multi-level marketing scam that has spread from the beginning of mankind.

It goes like this: A couple have a baby. Quickly, they realize babies are a lot of work and they ruin your lives, but they’re stuck. There’s no going back. Their lives are over, for all intents and purposes.

Seeing they have no chance at ever being happy again, said couple recruits others to have babies so they can multiply their misery (and also have play dates).

Secretly, all parents realize that becoming a parent is worse than death, but they want you to join the club too, so they tell you lies about how rewarding it is.

(This is the second annoying thing Adam and Eve did. They started Reproductive-Amway.)

(Note: This does not apply to grandparents. They want you to have grandbabies because grandbabies are joy-multipliers: they can be enjoyed, then returned. And because they want their kids to be as miserable as they once were. It’s payback time.)

This is all information I knew before I became pregnant. I could see the truth, and I wasn’t buying it.

Then came this guy:

… and I’m smitten. I’ve bought in. Having a baby is awesome, and you should totally have your own. Then recruit at least two other couples to also have their own.

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  1. Anonymous says:

    Yep, you figured it out! At the top of the pyramid scheme is the grandparents-all the benefits and rewards with none of the hassels.
    Now go get more recuits.

  2. Ha ha this is awesome Kelly 🙂 (I’m a smitten/tired mom of two boys, ages 2 and 4!)

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