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Goodbye, Pride.

Goodbye, ego. Goodbye, former self who swore I would never own one of these:

Hello, Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse. Funny how all the “I’ll never be a mom who–“ and “You’ll never catch me doing that” assertions fly out the window as soon as you find it tough to fit a second car seat in your compact SUV.

This van was a serious, direct answer to prayer and I feel like we kinda stole the thing. I’m so thankful for it I can’t even tell you. But here’s the undeniable truth:

Fact: Minivans are a gateway drug to mom jeans.

And wearing “sensible shoes” and “blouses.”
And still wearing maternity clothes when your youngest is in kindergarten.
And mom haircuts.
And probably decorating with teddy bear borders.

It’s a slippery slope.

But here I am. No longer toeing the line of mommyhood with my SUV and one child. I’m all in. I’m navigating the tough streets of suburbia from my sensible perch in a family-friendly ride, clinging with everything I’ve got to my skinny jeans – yes my maternity skinny jeans – still unwilling to surrender the radio to “The Wheels on the Bus” and “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.”

So if you see me at a stoplight? Know that deep within, I’m rebelling against the minivan, even as my world slowly gives way to sippy cups, potty training methods and convenience-over-style.

But you guys will say something if you see me considering a teddy bear border, right? Don’t let this get out of hand.



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Comments

  1. I’m here for you friend. If there is even slight mention of any kind of border…I will be on the next flight out of Iowa to save you. This is what blog buddies do.

  2. haha I vowed to never own a van as well (it’s still looking good for me since there’s still no husband in the mix hehe!). Just don’t get a soccer mom bumper sticker. 😉 For the record, even if you did end up wearing mom jeans, sensible shoes and a mom haircut, you are far too pretty for it to even look bad. 🙂

  3. Wow! I am laughing! Two kids in and I still will NEVER own a mini van, but the friends who do {we only allow one in our group!} LOVES hers! And she still is very stylish and rocks her skinny jeans! And yes we would say something if we say a boarder of anything on here!

  4. The time comes for everyone!! We took an oath at our wedding never to own a minivan (half joking, but half serious!) and of course we succumbed after having 3 kids in 3.9 years….and it was awesome, so enjoy it while you rock out to The Wheels on the Bus!

  5. Oh, I know what you are saying. Sometimes I look at pictures of myself and I say…”OH NO!! DO I LOOK LIKE A MOM?!” Because even though I am one, I don’t want to look like one. Ugh. We’ve got your back. 🙂
    On a serious note…you’ll have to let me know how you decided on that particular van and I’d love to hear the prayer story….Aaron and I are starting to research vans and hope to get one in the next 6 months. So. Feel free to zip me an email, you skinny jeans wearing not-looking-like-a-mom you!
    Thanks!

  6. I had to laugh at this post! I’ve been fighting the whole “look like a mom” thing for a long time now. So good to hear that other moms feel the same way!

  7. Time to rename your blog something cool like “http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/” 😉 Welcome to the soccer mom world! She’s a beauty!

  8. Yes I KNOW!! Nick and I have been talking about having 4 kids for a while and recently I looked at the baby’s car seat in our hatch car and realized that four car seats/boosters would NEVER fit in it. Nor a SUV. I gasped to Nick that we might have to buy a minivan if we follow through with our 4-kid plan. He doesn’t mind… but I DO!! Sigh. Glad to know I’m not alone 🙂

    ANDD I do have LOTS of great memories with my uncle’s big van (he had 5 kids) and hanging out with all of my cousins in that van. So I guess we moms can whine all we want, but the kids will love it.

  9. I promise you. I will drive to your house (I don’t know where it is, but I’ll figure it out) and rip down any teddy bear borders that you might put up. As far as the mom haircuts, I think I have one of those and I’m not even a Mom yet, so… that’s not a good omen. If you’re gonna be a Mom, go big or go home, right?

  10. Tia Schoth says:

    Kelly, your story about finally caving and buying a minivan cracks me up…and I totally resonate with you. While I’m still sporting the SUV (only one kiddo to date), I do think minivans are a good choice once you have multiple kiddos.

    Enjoy the kid-mobile and all the fun memories that will come with it!

  11. What?!?!? You guys have a minivan? Really? I feel so out of touch. How did I not know you were shopping around? 😉 I turned on the Envoy this afternoon and was concentrating so hard on backing out of my sister’s driveway, that I was on the road before I realized none of my gages were working. I didn’t know how fast I was going, how much gas was in the car, nothing was working. Luckily, when I stopped to get gas at the closest gas station, I turned the truck back on and everything was working again. I have a feeling Bo will be minivan shopping all weekend…

  12. Oh. Kelly. No. Andrew wants me in one so bad, but I’m holding on to the 4runner with clenched fists. Pretty sure if he ever gets me on a car lot, I might be swayed with automatic doors and DVD players, and kids not right.in.my.ear…….

  13. Haha, I love it! So crazy to start doing all these things we swore we never would…

  14. I think “functional” trumps “cool” when you’re a parent. Spoken like a true non-parent, right?) They actually make some pretty spiffy looking vans, these days, anyway! My parents bought a Toyota Sienna a few years ago with stow-and-go and all that fun stuff and my mom swore that she wanted to live in it.

    Have a good weekend! 🙂

  15. I know what you mean…..I went over to the dark side when the twins were little….but when the car seats went….so did the van….back to the SUV baby!
    blessings,
    karianne

  16. My husband recently picked a mini van for his new company car. A brand new 2012 dodge caravan lol he loves it. He had 6 other pretty decent cars to choose from, but insisted the STOW & GO was exactly what he wanted.

    LOL, he looks kinda cute driving it but…its a minivan.

  17. Jessica@MakingHomeSweeter says:

    Bahahaha a gateway drug to mom jeans. I don’t even have a minivan yet and I’ve started wearing blouses…is that bad? Eeek!

  18. Ugh I’ve been thinking about this a lot in the past few weeks. We only have one car. And it’s a car. I’m thinking we’ll be joining the mini-van clan early summer… 😛

  19. What is exactly does a ‘mom haircut’ look like? I need to know for future reference!

    • I’m not even completely sure — maybe that’s why it’s so terrifying! 🙂 (I think “grandma haircuts” are more prominent)

  20. Hysterical. I’ve stopped saying I’ll never be/do…. because I used to say this kind of thing in reference to thinkgs my mom would say or do. I have since turned into my mother.

    Practicality trumps coolness sometimes. If it makes your life easier, throw some fuzzy dice in the rearview and call it a day.

    • Josh Mason says:

      Can’t you find a late-model Astro, tweak it a little and give it some performance mods, and effectively have a cool minivan? Just throwing an idea out.

  21. THANK you for linking back to this post. Hilarity. We are the not-so-proud owners of a minivan chalk full of carseats. The dog was what put us over the SUV limit! As much as I hate the image of the sweet sweet minivan, I chuckle to think of what lengths people go to to avoid it… some of these SUVS are just plain gargantuan! I can only imagine how my babysitters see me… definitely not showered or kempt, that’s for sure. (Funny…. I could have sworn I saw some teddy bear borders in the latest HGTV mag…) xx

  22. I’m not a mom but this post had me LOL!! Love your writing voice!

  23. When I was younger, I was all about “never having a minivan”.
    Now I’m all about convenience. No kids now but will for sure consider a minivan when they arrive!

Trackbacks

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